took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Even my vagina gasped.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
The power of my boobs compel you
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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