I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
What happened to fro yo and sex?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
