if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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