i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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