last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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