She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
