you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
