What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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