You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
