using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
