and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
