I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
