Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
