I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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