I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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