Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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