Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
