Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
