im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
