I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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