he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
