I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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