So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
