Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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