Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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