I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize