I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
