who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
