I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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