I will die if light touches me.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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