I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
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