Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
