Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
