Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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