I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
