Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
We are all done wearing pants today
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
