I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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