McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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