she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
