I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
