we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
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