She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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