I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Randomize
