It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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