i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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