How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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