Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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