Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
