I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
