Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
