Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
