I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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