Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
